Relapse but also on of best nights in long time

So my day has not been so good lately with all my paranoia kicking in and feeling of being constantly followed by shadow man 2, chilled at friends house and ended up relapse on H after 2 years sober. I do regret it but feel like i have control not to do it again. But have to say its been on of the most relaxing and mindless day ever in long time. I get to finally chill with some Addie, temazepam and bit of wine and marathon through so of my favorite anime. So not much else to say at the moment, just frustrated at the same time. Sucks not having anyone to talk to still. No one wants to text me or kik me at all. Just wish I had someone to talk to or to vent to, just have normal conversations.